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  • Writer's pictureAndrew Comiskey

Securing Strugglers in Love

'Secure attachment means the child feels confident that others will be there to protect, comfort and support him…insecure attachment means the child is unable to develop confidence that others will be reliably responsive to his needs for comfort, protection, or support.’ Andrew J. Sodergren, Sexual Identity (ed. Finley)


She was hungry-eyed, watchful of others’ attentiveness as she lifted weights. A lovely young woman, she also looked tough and seductive, possibly inclined to other women. I had seen her a couple times and wondered if she knew the Heavenly Father’s delight in her. Not just any delight, but His pride in her discipline and cobalt eyes and chestnut hair tucked in a bun.


The Spirit of prophecy rested on me, I waited until she had finished her set, and I told her what delighted me about her. ‘Delight? Me? That’s cool…’ We spoke a little bout how God knows us deeper than we know ourselves and always leads with delight in the unique way He designed each of us.


As I’ve got to know Tamara a little, I recognize her as one of many whose early lives were marked by insecure attachment—a lack of trust in the unstable persons around her. In the anxious void, normal emotional needs for advocacy can easily become sexualized and submitted to bad sources. That can set one up for the vulnerability a predator sees in a child or teen, for pornography, and for eroticizing early friendships.


I learned that Tamara had just left a girlfriend and was ‘working on herself.’ I urged her to invite God into the process. ‘Our hearts can’t rest without His confirmation. He gives it freely if you ask for it…Could we agree with Jesus in prayer right now?’


It helps to see things as they are—the attachment wound beneath a sexual ‘symptom’ but more than that, the amazing son or daughter the Father always summons from the shadows. We Christians can catch that Spirit in waves of prophecy ever emanating from His heart; that’s why St. Paul urges us to ‘follow the way of love and eagerly desire…the gift of prophecy’ (1 Cor. 14:1).


As conduits of delight in who that man or woman is, we highlight the true self--far more substantial than the shifting ones on the ‘rainbow’ spectrum. We help others discover the Rock from which they were hewn and can grow whole.


‘Can a mother forget the baby at her breast and have no compassion on the child she has borne? Though she may forget, I will not forget you! See, I have engraved you on the palms of my hands; the walls you are rebuilding are ever before Me.’ (Is. 49:15, 16)

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