Straightening Up: Day 1
‘The fallen self cannot know itself. As we have seen, we do not know who we are and will search for our identity in someone or something until we find ourselves in Him. And it is only in Him that we become persons. In the Presence, conversing with Him, we find that the ‘old man’—the sinful, the neurotic, the sickly compulsive, the seedy old actor within—is not the Real, but that these are simply the false selves that can never be rooted in God. We find that God is the Real and that He calls the real ‘I’ forward, separating us from our sicknesses and sins. We then no longer define ourselves by our sins, neuroses, and deprivations, but by Him whose healing life cleanses and indwells us. From being bent toward the creature—the horizontal position of the Fall—we straighten up into the completing union with the Creator—the vertical listening position of the free creature. We find that we are in Him and that He is in us.’ (Broken Image, p.150)
‘As a sexual neurosis, homosexuality is regarded as one of the most complex. As a condition for God to heal, it is (in spite of the widespread belief to the contrary) remarkably simple. This is a book about how to pray for the healing of the problem.’ (first paragraph of Preface to The Broken Image)
Leanne Payne mentored me unlike any other. In 1981, she wooed and won me over through her second book, The Broken Image. Still a student at UCLA and immersed in the Spirit-filled Vineyard culture, I embraced her blend of healing prayer and keen insights culled from clinical psychology, literary scholarship, and years of imparting wholeness to others.
Leanne helped me bridge the difference between the Vineyard’s emphasis on physical healing/deliverance and my desire to impart inner healing to persons with sexual identity problems. Both necessitate faith-filled prayer—’Thy Kingdom come’, NOW. Yet sexual brokenness always involves a challenge to the will—‘Do you want to be whole?’–as well as discerning what contributes to our impasses toward maturity.
More than anyone else in my life and in the life of DSM/LW, Leanne blazed a trail for us to discern a person’s core wounding and his veiled resistance to reaching for more. As these quotes suggest, we struggle to stand straight up in our primary identification with God. Leanne taught us how the Spirit helps us in our weakness. United with Him, called to become more than we imagined, we learn how to forego identification with anyone or thing other than Jesus our Redeemer.
‘Jesus, sorry for making our healing more complicated than it is. You are our Healer, and You are ever faithful to indwell us and to show us Your Father. Help us to practice Your Presence rather than reciting our ills.’
‘Jesus, please confirm Amy Coney Barrett to the US Supreme Court.’