Chastity is Fire

Baby Marianna should be here any day. Ania and I wait differently. She’s surprisingly patient, and I’m not. Each passing day, I make sure to whisper, “We’re ready for you, Marianna!” My inducing methods haven’t helped.

I marvel at Ania’s mothering in this pregnancy. Her body bears the weight happily (if not always comfortably); her cooperation with the new life within is beautiful. Ania’s preparation for Marianna is an amazing process to witness.

Our baby is a bold sign of God’s redemption for us. Jesus saved her mother and me from the false belief that we were too broken for family life. Jesus’ fiery redemption burned away despair.

Maybe Marianna and I will share a birthday? Mine’s tomorrow, which (more importantly) happens to be the feast of St. Charles Lwanga, who, along with his fellow Ugandans, resisted the lustful advances of a Ugandan king. Best counterprogramming I know for ‘Pride’ month!

Charles Lwanga led the way. His sexual integrity roused his brothers into chaste rebellion, with eyes and hearts fixed on King Jesus. Powerful stuff.

For someone who struggles like me, his witness isn’t just encouraging. It’s personal. His feast fires me up for the chaste fight amid worldly seductions. Burned alive for his convictions, Lwanga reminds me that chastity is fire. I pray that fire sets me more ablaze this year than last. I want to be chaste, not just for myself, but because people need me to be. Ania and Marianna deserve a chaste husband and father.

How do I stay on fire? Difficult seasons tend to douse more than ignite me. I need to be enkindled in and out of season by fellow ‘Lwangas.’ My spiritual director recently encouraged me: “Don’t ever get tired of becoming chaste, Marco!’ His provocation burned up my spiritual malaise and self-concern.

Another mentor recently prayed over me, and a simple phrase lit a fresh fire: ‘You chose me, Jesus; I trust in You.” Divine mercy, potent fuel.

After my major conversion, I went through a period of false grief, the worldly sorrow over never having a ‘gay’ lover. Why false? Because grief is meant for real and good things. ‘Gay’ romance isn’t God’s best for anyone. It may be compelling, but it’s a dead end. I needed Jesus’ fire to expose and burn up that homo-erotic ‘mirage.’

We all have valid needs for same-sex friendship. Mine became sexualized early on, confusing real needs with false solutions. These fiery feelings revealed an inner conflict, not an unchangeable identity. And that conflict needed healing resolution that no amount of homosexual sin could resolve. May His Almighty Mercy teach me to burn rightly.

I’m deeply encouraged by Lwanga’s life. He shows me that real chastity produces lasting joy. Charles and his companions sang to Jesus as they marched into the flames. Let’s sing to God today for His glorious work in us. His fire always brings new life.