Facing Futility, Tenderly
I could see and hear how much he wanted the relationship to work, to be true: he needed this new guy to be the one that silenced all the critics of his ‘gay’ pursuits. Mostly he had to convince himself.
I felt a familiar tension of love for a person and the truth of what will make him happy.
Scripture and the catechism expose the futility of ‘gay’ identification and behavior. But we must steward that truth tenderly.
I felt restrained in reply: ‘Thanks for letting me know. I am grateful that you trust me with your heart. I want your heart to be full. I just don’t think this guy, or any guy, can fill it. He comes close, then, well, you know. I want your happiness. If you want more of this Jesus and His relevance to your hunger for love, I can help…’
My friend Dr. Bob Schuchts helps me here. In a series of excellent podcasts on same-sex attraction, Bob exemplifies truth-in-love, a seamless fusion of the two. In one of the six, he listens patiently to a Christian man who has decided to ‘gay’ marry. Bob gently points out that ‘gay’ love won’t make him happy because at core, disordered desire remains disorder and creates more disorder even if dressed up in a ‘marriage.’
Stunning. Bob sounds to me like an attuned father tempered by grief over a son losing his grip on moral reality. Schucht’s voice possesses an aching tenderness. His low-key delivery amplifies the truth like a song lighting up a dark silent night.
Stay true to moral reality. Just because someone has a story doesn’t make it true. However winsome or heart-rending the narrative, a ‘gay’ solution is futile. It frustrates the very desire it rouses.
Engage respectfully and tenderly. Show tender concern for a person. He or she is seeking love. Manifest Jesus in compassion, in tempered grief. Show your heart.
Be a bridge. Invite and include him or her in devotion to the One. Christ alone holds the key to your friend’s heart. Seekers need friends of Jesus. Be a compelling one. Get Dr. Bob Schucht's latest book, Be Transformed, here.