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  • Writer's pictureAndrew Comiskey

Rousing Her Radiance: Day 21

Deeper Ache


‘Those who are whole don’t need a doctor but those who are sick. I come not to call the righteous but sinners to repentance.’- Lk. 5:31-32


Two young men wanted me to bless their friendship as a covenant, a ‘special’ bond in the ‘spirit of Jonathan and David’ (their words). They shared mutual interests and arousal. When I asked if the latter was true, they admitted it but claimed commitment to ‘biblical’ orthodoxy (no sex outside of marriage, etc.).


I knew ‘purity’ would last as long as an Indian summer. Deeper still, I knew they would lose Jesus in the disordered romance. ‘I cannot bless your covenant because Jesus can’t. I encourage you to repent and discover your deeper ache for Him. Only He can provide what you are seeking in the other.’ Their faces fell. But guess what? They repented and I helped them set boundaries (felt like death) till they were ready to just be normal friends who helped each other know Jesus better.


Deeper than disordered desire is a longing for communion with the Divine. We ache when we let go of unchaste attachments and descend into the arms of Jesus, ever new and ever rising to satisfy our deepest need.


Maybe some churchmen don’t know this. Apparent at 2018’s Youth Synod was some churchmen’s effort to change the catechism’s (CCC #2357) description of homosexuality from ‘disordered’ to ’different.’ That means churchmen want to neutralize the sting and shame of homosexuality by making it ok. ‘There’s not a problem here; you are just “different.”’ Ugh. If I am just ‘different’, I don’t need Jesus. I just need a Church blessing, unhinged from Her own truth. No thanks. Please call me to the dying that leads to Life. Real Life.


Give me back my disorder! To all synodal leaders today who are tempted to misdiagnosis homosexuality in the name of ‘mercy’: don’t. Give us Jesus. Love only converts us through dying—surrendering both sin and disorder to the Life who eagerly awaits us.


The moral disorder of same-sex attraction (inclines us to acts that can’t engender life) just is. No babies. We want to help people aspire to the fullness of life that only the Source of life can give. Our deep hearts know better. The ache in each one of us invites us into Someone deeper.


‘We are not the sum of our weaknesses and failures; we are the sum of the Father’s love for us and our real capacity to become the image of His Son Jesus.’- St. John Paul II


‘Thank You Jesus for entrusting us with an ache for You. We can’t rest till You are our desire. We surrender every disordered affection to You, knowing You don’t shame or accuse us. You transform us. May the tender fire of Your love rest upon every church leader. Help us stay true to the wisdom of our deepest ache.’


‘Father, we thank You for Jesus who established the Church on a Rock against which hell will not prevail (Matt 16:18). We pray for every Christian leader to build on Her firm foundation of sexual clarity and integrity. Father, unmask the deceiver and divider of Christians and unite us in one Spirit. As weak members of Christ, we ask for truth to guide our pursuit of sexual wholeness, for grace to sustain it, and for spiritual power to transform us. May we reflect the chaste radiance of Jesus (2 Cor. 3:18) as we “shine like stars in the universe, holding out the word of life” (Phil. 2:15-16) to a lost and hurting world.’

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